ASCENSION FIELD NOTES – ONCE UPON A TIME BY KATHY VIK 1-31-14
There once were twin princesses, neither parent nor child ever having any proof of it, all knowing it to be so. As they grew in their adoptive home, developed brilliance of mind, sparkling wit, giving hearts, thoughtful utterings, compassionate behavior. It seemed that, regardless of what they experienced, these two girls grew and grew into fine young women, still convinced, each were, that they did not belong to these parents, neither uttering a word of their suspicions, and always knowing this was crazy. They remembered, with fondness, their loving mother, long gone, as each grew older. On it went for our twins, well into their fifties.
And then,one day, something began to change. Each of the siblings began to have stirrings, seeing changes, vast and small, happening, feeling on a course which has its own greater mind, each of them convinced things would remain hard, just never quite right, never quite satisfying.
There came certified mail to the sisters, on the same day, deeds, receipts for cash, checkbooks, paperwork for belongings they knew nothing about.
With each of the bundles was a note which read,
We have watched with pride all these years, as you have struggled and made your way in this world.
We see that you understand now, at long last, each of you have come to understand that it is in perception which lies true power, and we have seen the intent of your perception shift, we have felt it. You have been heard.
We wish for you to take your rightful place as heir to wealth of which you remember nothing. We wish to impress upon you your lineage, your ancestry, and what was theirs is, of course, yours, and so, you begin to intuit, these gifts are not merely physical, these gifts, many yet to come, are part of your past, part of your memory, if you will. This sense will make it hard to truly establish ownership of anything, isn’t that a hoot!
In any case, you are unaware of the wealth at hand simply because the veil is still drawn over certain aspects, but, if you will expand your thinking,imagine having lived in the castle now being willed you, back when it was built, in 1106. Consider this. These are gifts which are earned, and as such, we wish you to conduct yourselves as the true queens you are, no longer serfs, no longer convinced that you are ill equipped, we see your surprise, we do, dear ones, when your reaction, a kind one, comes from you, and surprises you? We see your quick return to center now. And so, the gift-giving can commence.
Each of the women sat with this letter crumpled in the hand, their laps covered with papers.
No return address. Typewritten, no signature.
After talking it over, the two decided to be vaguely hopeful, and checked on some of the documents. All legitimate, all accessible, a whole lot of cash. Properties, too. All neatly documented, legitimate.
Sometimes, one would call the other and say, “How could it be? Every problem solved. Sure, there’s always something, but, the big, nasty stuff, solved. How is that?” Marvel, the would, for as long or short as one or the other needed.
Wealth, or at least ease, spread, wherever the two queens went. No friend in need went without, and it delighted them to find that the more they gave, the more they seemed to accumulate. It was a curious flip of physics neither of them expected when doing their monthly books. But there it was, in black and white, a trend which couldn’t be refuted.
One of the twin queens decided to think on money as freedom, and so she was filled with peace, because she felt free. The other decided money was freedom, and began to worry, just from time to time, about when it might end. She didn’t share her doubt,but there it was, sometimes waking her up in a cold sweat. What if? What if it all goes away? Then I will be trapped, but worse than before!
Over the phone one afternoon right after this horrible anxiety woke the queen up for the last time, the secret was confessed, the fear revealed. Her twin laughed and said, “I’ve had that. You have to realize, remember, it’s about perception. See things clearly. Trust.” Her twin kept still, and the silence was held well by the two of them. Finally, the worry seemed irrelevant, a scary story once told with feeling, now a fading memory.
From here, where do the queens go? What do they do? What might they pursue? If you had every single financial obligation met, and plenty of money just lying around, what would you do? We played this game at work one night, just spontaneously, and it was so fun! Just imagine it. What would you do? My friend Diane and I buy lottery tickets just so we can bask in the days between the drawing and checking our numbers, those days and sweet sweet nights when everything is possible, quite possibly so. Delicious. Some of us still struggle, and some of us are doing well, and I really didn’t want to make a fable about the virtues of money, but I guess the end of the fairy tale is the homework assignment. What would you do if you were the twin queens? If you had so much money that anything you wanted to create, you could, anything you wanted to buy, you could. I used to think this an exercise in futility, or sort of going all Brazil on my mundane life, but, no, I think there is something to it. It feels so good. And it’ll surprise you, how it changes and morphs, as you do. Some aspirations continue, but some come and go. Both Diane and I see ourselves as philanthropists, just currently without funding. We are quite the pair.
Maybe the moral of the story is that, as a queen or a king, delivered to you is a package saying, well, ok, here it is, all of it, and it’s not that you deserve it or that you earned it, but that it’s yours, so do with it what you will… That this is not a bad exercise for each of us to do,and to apply it to all situations, really, or as many as possible. It’s a mind set. It’s hard for me to capture, hence the writing, but it has to do with grabbing hold of life, participating, taking chances, so they seem, having adventures. It’s been a solid year since my kid and I have been able to afford a vacation, two years since we got rid of internet and cable. Lean times, my friend. So does this fable help me cope with my dreams having not yet come true as I’d hoped? No. because I have faith. I know things are going to change. Things are getting better, all the time. I can feel it. It’s really quite remarkable. Pleasurable. Unexpected.
I don’t think it’s a fable, by the way. I believe that you put this vibe out long enough, strong enough, pure enough, well, imagine what will come back. Just imagine. So I am putting my order in,at night, before sleep, I untether and imagine opening this crinkly, regal package, with melted sealing wax and scrolls and stuff, and there it is, I’m free. Now what? I lay in this, buoyed, easy.
In closing, I will say that I am beginning to see that I have many things to be grateful for. I was thinking, for a little bit, that I am happy because of my new job. And isn’t it a shame that I wasn’t ready before now? But,the truth is, I am so much different than the person I was two years ago,and being in yet again another unfamiliar place, I am making my way as a new, but familiar, person. I’m easy going, overall, restless, curious, friendly, and that’s just not who I was two years ago. I thought just this morning, “Well, imagine that, all it took was a better fitting job to cheer you up.” Sounds like something my mom would say. But it’s not that. It just isn’t. Caterpillar, cocoon, butterfly, dude.
So, I’ll keep opening my package, at night,before bed, and then imagine all the good I could do,and all the fun I could have, and that leads me to peaceful nights of sleep. I mentioned this at length, before, and I have no idea why it bears repeating. The car is the other place I feel free. I found during my wild vacation, and since then, that I like doing whatever will make me feel the freest, the happiest. I remember that’s how I got so shiny, a year ago. I want to get there again. I think imagining finding out one is not a scullery maid but a her-royal-highness is a fine way to start a day,her, today. Why not. It could happen.
I’ll close with something I told Diane a few weeks after it happened. I was getting ready to take a shower, and all of a sudden I had a sort of double-over moment, seeing this beautiful old castle, ancient, with vivid green grass, and I was told, or understood, that I owned this, this was once my home. I have inherited it, the voices told me, it’s mine.
Interesting this comes up again. It is, in the end, simple metaphor, at a certain level, and it feels good to be free of the metaphors now and then. Material worth is far less important to me than spiritual clarity. I’m aware that what goes around comes around. I remain royally optimistic, while finally finding myself able to move ahead a space or two. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt so good. So, here’s to all good things!